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Living SoulFully as an Oblate of St. Benedict

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Words of the Year

Ooh, I Wonder

Ooh, I wonder
What is to come, out of this darkness
I’ve been moving moving moving moving through the darkness…
I wonder when the light is cracking open..
(Wonder by S. Nutting/ K. Longaker)

The first verse to the song Wonder by Ma’Muse poses questions about the “dark night of the soul” that most of us experience at some point in our lives. Whether it is melancholy, depression, fear, or grief that grips us, we wonder: When is this going to end? What is going to come out of this darkness? What comes next? When will we see relief from our suffering? When will there be more light than dark?

The song continues.

I thought this candle had long gone out…
But today today today today I can see
There’s still a flickering flickering

Today I saw a flickering, just a little light cracking open, after some weeks of darkness.

I had just finished reading a new poem from Ana Lisa de Jong, when Wonder came up in my Spotify playlist. The poem, Ceaseless Wonders, offers insights into when light may come.

CEASELESS WONDERS
Wonders never cease,
while we are sleeping
or awake in rumination
wonders are not ceasing
Wonders will not cease
until wonders are not needed,
meanwhile wonders are the signpost
to the Wonderful.
Wonders in the breath,
which has exhaled us into being,
and wonder in the
breath that keeps us living.
Wonder in the breath
of the fresh new morning,
the birds who sing of the
restoration of creation.
Wonders will not cease
while time keeps unfolding.
Time left ahead
assures us of wonder’s returning.
And wonders never cease
as darkness precedes the morning,
the morning star
points us to light’s dawning,
and the rounding sun,
which hardly falters in its momentum,
though wonders seem far flung
and courage is ebbing.

-Ana Lisa de Jong, Living Tree Poetry, February 2025

The synchronistic moment of the song and poem coming together was itself, a glimpse of light, my 2025 word of the year. Experiencing synchronicity is a holy surprise, an inkling of something more, a nudge to pay attention, to look and listen deeply. Perhaps this is a glimpse, a reminder, that darkness will pass with time because darkness always precedes the morning. Wonders will not cease/while time keeps unfolding. Time left ahead/assures us of wonder’s returning.

During this time of darkness, wonders never cease, are not ceasing, will not cease. The wonder is our breath. We can use our breath as prayer—the literal inhale and exhale, that takes us from one moment to the next, from this day to the next, from night into morning. We continue to

Burn burn burn burn on the inside
Burn burn burn burning like a bright light
Burn burn burn burn on the inside
This light’s still burning, burning bright
I thought this candle had long gone out…
but today i can see, there’s more than a flickering

Our longing for hope, peace, and light becomes the prayer. And in times of darkness, our purpose is not to question our lack of courage or hope, but instead to bring wonder as fuel to burn like a bright light, to keep the flame alive. Yes, I wonder and I wonder.

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2025 Word of the Year: LIGHT

The soulful ritual of asking for a word of the year never fails to bring new ways of seeing. What I learn from pondering one word could fill a library of books; synchronicity is my teacher. Last year I wrote, “I trust that the word, as it settles in my heart, will be a guiding light for months to come—challenging, inspiring, and transforming me.”

This ancient spiritual practice invites attentive listening. Around the beginning of December, my word-of-the-year radar activates as I await a word that shimmers with possibility. I had considered peace or hope, as I long for both. While on retreat, images came together into a SoulCollage® card I titled Hope: Rest in the Light.

Perhaps LIGHT I wondered, but I was skeptical it could be the “guiding light” I wrote of, as cliché and overused it is. Light at the end of the tunnel. Light of my life. Out like a light. Come to the light. Go to the light. In light of. See the light. Shed a little light. Taken lightly. Shine your light. Light a fire under your… and so on.

I reflect on the card, listening for the wisdom it holds. It is our journey to carry the light. We are embodied with Christ-light. Rest in the light. Patiently wait. Holding the light is sharing the light. Words and phrases that resonate come together in the following poem.

Wisdom I received from the card: It is our journey to carry the light. We are embodied with Christ light. Rest in the light. Patiently wait. Holding the light is sharing the light. 

Hope: Rest in the Light
The Divine dwells within
Safeguard the light
Wait expectantly, keep watch
Shimmer like silver and gold.

Safeguard the light
Angel wings whisper hope
Shimmer like silver and gold
Light-bearer.

Angel wings whisper hope
Wait expectantly, keep watch
Light-bearer
The Divine dwells within.

The circular rhythm of the pantoum poem provides a roadmap for hope. It begins and ends with the reminder that the Divine dwells within me; I am a light-bearer. Knowing there is more to unpack from the card and poem, LIGHT finds a resting place as my 2025 word of the year.

You are the Light
In a recent study of The Interior Castle, written by Teresa of Avila, I was struck with awe by the commentary of the castle as the dwelling place for God. “We are structured in such a way that God lives in his own dwelling place with us, more so than he does in the whole cosmos….We are not merely sparks of God, but God actually lives in us and makes us beautiful by his light.” (The Interior Castle, Study Edition, Kieren Kavanaugh)

Joan Chittister writes, “…we are the stardust of the Creator and we are made to burn and light, to sparkle and shine, to be warmth and fearlessness as tonight fades into all the tomorrows of our lives.” We are made of stardust; we are meant to shine, to bring light, hope, love and courage to those we encounter.

Be the Light
We are born for each other—to reflect the loving-kindness and compassion we have received in our moments of darkness. I will never forget the seemingly small gestures, the gentle wiping of a tear or the squeeze of a hand or encouraging words that helped me glimpse enough light to carry on. We can be the light for others.

Continue reading “2025 Word of the Year: LIGHT” →
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2024 Word of the Year: FULLY

Choosing a word to focus on each year has become a nourishing, soulful ritual. I savor the word, that more so chooses me, throughout the year—it brings great joy when in perfect synchronicity, it appears over and again in what I read, hear, and see. I trust that the word, as it settles in my heart, will be a guiding light for months to come—challenging, inspiring, and transforming me.

My 2024 word of the year, FULLY, is a throwback to ten years ago when I birthed and named my first website and creative venture, SoulFully You. I participated in training to become a certified SoulCollage® facilitator, to lead retreats on creativity and spirituality. As a Marketing teacher, creating a brand name felt like the best first step. With my daughter Jessica and her friend Claire (both students of my high school classes) we brainstormed a variety of words, phrases, and combinations, and then it clicked, that “aha moment” of knowing I have come to trust—SoulFully You. I loved what it meant, and still do. The image at the top of this page, a SoulCollage® card to represent SoulFully You, came later.

Being SoulFully You is living with purpose, on purpose; being attentive to the present moment; practicing gratitude; making good choices and having no regrets; living with death daily before your eyes, as St. Benedict writes; and leaving something beautiful from a life well-lived. It is living life to the fullest, using the gifts and talents you have while being open and responsive to opportunities and surprises that come your way.

A tree gives glory to God by being a tree.

Thomas Merton

Being SoulFully You is discovering and becoming all that God has created you to be. Thomas Merton writes, “For me to be a saint means to be myself.” The call to be holy is the call to be more fully myself, just as a tree gives glory to God by being a tree.

Continue reading “2024 Word of the Year: FULLY” →
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Remember, You Are Free

Ever have one of those eyes-wide-open at 2:00 am moments of mind-racing, self-doubting, anxiety-stricken, what-if fretting? I had one such panic attack, recently, after making a big decision about the future of my work. I found myself wracked with despair, vacillating between whether I made the right decision or if I was making a mistake, despite having done my due diligence in heart, soul, and mind for many weeks.

In the morning light (and after several days), with the help of some calming meditation, conversations with good friends, and spiritual direction, I began to see more clearly—that it is normal when making big life changes to experience uncertainty, that I have been here before.

“For me, the process of discernment, especially when I have strong feelings or attachments, often begins with compulsive mental role-playing,” I wrote in 2019 when I was in a similar state of distress about making the right decision. But it was these words of wisdom that helped me get to the other side of anxiety, and at the root of it, fear.

YOU ARE FREE.

“I am free to make THIS decision, or I am free to make THAT decision. I am free to choose. It was the decision-making process that was binding me, making me a prisoner of my own thoughts. The freedom came from not being attached to one possibility or the other, one reaction, one outcome, one person, or one feeling. Accompanied by a stream of what ifs, fear had become the primary consideration in discerning what if I did THIS or what if I did THAT.”

This reflection on my 2019 word(s) of the year, YOU ARE FREE, still rings true today. Fear is at the root of anxiety, a response to uncertainty. Ironically, the only thing that is certain IS uncertainty. All else is an illusion of control. Brene Brown in Atlas of the Heart writes, “In a world where perfection, pleasing, and proving are used as armor to protect our egos and our feelings, it takes a lot of courage to show up and be all in when we can’t control the outcome.”  

Fear of making mistakes, a symptom of perfectionism, can sabotage even soulful decision-making. Fear can lead to a sense of feeling trapped, nearly immobile, agonizing about whether there is a right or wrong, rather than accepting that a decision is simply a decision, that often there is no one right way. The Divine works in all our decisions no matter what forks in the road we may take. Fear, or regret, limits our ability to be open to surprises and from being fully present to what is. I am free to make this or that decision, trusting, knowing that I will continue to listen to how the Divine is working in new ways. It is freedom that brings peace.

“Yes, you are free, too,” I wrote. “These words can be a prayer, an intention for yourself. Try it as an experiment. Ask yourself—What if I choose love instead of fear? What if I let go of what I am holding onto? What if I detach from what I want and, instead, accept that I am free, that God is with me whether I choose this or choose that?”

I captured the essence of these three words in a SoulCollage® card that embodies this sense of freedom. The image and words, YOU ARE FREE, have become a prompt for me to reflect on a dilemma or state of uncertainty from this perspective of liberation, encouraging me to move forward peacefully, soulfully, without obligation, burden, or restriction, in freedom.

Continue reading “Remember, You Are Free” →
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The Gift of Curiosity: There is no such thing as wasted learning!


Curiosity is the dawn of potential–a desire to learn something new, grow in awareness, and become more than we could be on our own. Curiosity, the birthplace of our becoming, is embodied in WONDER, my 2023 Word of the Year.

I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Surely my dad was blessed by a fairy godmother, endowed with the gift of curiosity, and he passed that down to me. Many Saturday mornings in my childhood, my dad would take my brother and me to local historical attractions and museums, and tell us stories about the “old days.” In retirement, my dad is passionate about learning history, particularly about his hometown of Valparaiso, compiling several books with the research he has done. His hobby and passion started with curiosity.

There are many similarities between my dad and me, even though how we have arrived at our curiosity and love of learning is different. I enjoyed the traditional school setting, spent many hours “playing school,” and was naturally drawn to becoming a teacher. He had an aversion to school and could not wait to get out. But, we both share a passion for gathering information, learning, and, then, sharing what we learn with others. It is an attitude of wonder and the love of storytelling that motivates us.

Wonder, the mental state of openness, questioning, curiosity, and embracing mystery, arises out of experiences of awe.

Dacher Keltner, Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life

WONDER opens our eyes to synchronicity.

WONDER leaves room for the unexpected, for learning something new.

Curiosity led to an unexpected experience of “teachable moments” on a recent trip to Breckenridge, Colorado. My husband and a few family members took to the ski slopes, while my brother-in-law, Mark, and I did some sightseeing and enjoyed the mountain vistas. 

A day for wandering, we visited the Breckenridge International Snow Sculpture Championships and enjoyed a scenic gondola ride to the base of Peak 8. We sauntered by dozens of buildings listed on the National Register of Historic Places and stumbled upon a local church where a couple invited us in, sharing the building history and pointing out the original fixtures that shined the first electric lights in Breckenridge. We ambled into souvenir shops with coffee mugs, hats, and shirts–anything that a mountain logo could be printed on–and we walked past the Barney Ford House Museum. I had done plenty of research before this trip (of course), but I hadn’t planned to visit this museum. 

But now I wondered who Barney was and why he had a museum in his honor. With one more day to wander, I sought more information. With an internet search for the Barney Ford House Museum, I learned Barney is a pretty big deal in Breckenridge, that a PBS documentary had been recently filmed about him, and that the following day, February 1, was the first day of Black History Month AND Barney Ford Day in Colorado. Astonished by the synchronicity of learning about Ford just a day before this important date, I spent an hour watching the documentary. I was stunned by what I learned–the story of an enslaved man who, against all odds, becomes a successful entrepreneur. I teach an Entrepreneurship class, so I was already making plans to share Barney’s story with my students.

Continue reading “The Gift of Curiosity: There is no such thing as wasted learning!” →
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2023 Word of the Year: Wonder

I love the practice of asking for a word, allowing a word or phrase to bubble up to ponder for the new year. Words that have chosen me in the last few years include Mercy (2017), Cushion (2018), You Are Free (I needed more words that year) (2019), Carry On (2020), Truth (2021), and Consent (2022).

My 2023 Word of the Year is WONDER.

This tradition (for desert mothers and fathers) of asking for a word was a way of seeking something on which to ponder for many days, weeks, months, sometimes a whole lifetime.  The “word” was often a short phrase to nourish and challenge the receiver.  A word was meant to be wrestled with and slowly grown into.

Christine Valters Painter

WONDER opens our eyes to synchronicity.

The images in a recent SoulCollage card brought forth the word WONDER, and it settled comfortably in my soul.  The title of my card, Sit A Spell, is an encouragement to be open and receptive to the wonders of the universe revealing themselves right where we are—comfortable on our perch, walking through the seasons of life, or, even, in our thoughts and imagination.

It is only with eyes open to wonder, holy surprises, and synchronicity that we experience the humbling and awesome fall to our knees. There we are uplifted by invisible forces and surrounded by angels seen and unseen. (Synchronicity and Holy Surprise)

A card I created using images gathered on retreat and from a greeting card that screamed synchronicity!

WONDER makes us fall to our knees.

After the word WONDER rested in my awareness, it was providential how many words of wisdom, poems, and quotes I came across in my reading. The wisdom begins in wonder decoration (pictured above) hangs around an olive oil bottle in my kitchen. I pass by it many times every day, but I realize I wasn’t really SEEING it. Waking up to meaningful coincidences, C.J. Jung said, “could shift our thinking so we recognize a greater wholeness in all of creation…It could precipitate a spiritual awakening.”

“Concepts create idols; only wonder comprehends anything. People kill one another over idols. Wonder makes us fall to our knees.”

Gregory of Nyssa
Continue reading “2023 Word of the Year: Wonder” →
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2022 Word of the Year: Consent

“This tradition (for desert mothers and fathers) of asking for a word was a way of seeking something on which to ponder for many days, weeks, months, sometimes a whole lifetime.  The “word” was often a short phrase to nourish and challenge the receiver.  A word was meant to be wrestled with and slowly grown into.”

Christine Valters Painter

A new year is a reminder of our opportunity to begin again, the essence of “being Benedictine.” That simple tick of the clock from midnight to 12:01 a.m. marks in time our deep longing to begin again. Choosing a word of the year can be a prayerful intention to focus our awareness on an idea, a feeling, our hopes, or even an attribute we want to cultivate in our lives.

There are no rules for choosing a word. There is nothing magical about one word over another, but choosing a word that settles in your heart can reveal unexpected layers of meaning and new levels of understanding that can be both spiritually comforting and challenging.

I did not choose a word for 2022. My word for this year, CONSENT, chose me.

As I was re-reading lines I had highlighted from The Exquisite Risk by Mark Nepo, I was struck by this paragraph:

Both attracted to and challenged by the word CONSENT, I have spent several weeks considering what it might have to teach me. On first impression, consent sounds like a route of less suffering, acceptance of what is, peacefulness. Count me in for this kind of bliss!

But CONSENTING is not so easy. To consent sounds so passive—to give up or compromise, to settle. My nature is to resist what I do not prefer, to solve problems or change circumstances so that they are more ideal, to somehow fix even what I cannot control. I have a tendency to fight, to flee, to figure out, rather than to consent, to surrender, to let it be. 

Miss Fixit: A card that I made several years ago when I became aware of my tendency to want to to fix.
Continue reading “2022 Word of the Year: Consent” →
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2021 Word of The Year

Choosing a word of the year can be a prayerful intention as well as creative expression. There is nothing magical about one word over another, but I find the process insightful and revealing—both spiritually comforting and challenging. I worked with the idea of doorways and thresholds for several weeks after realizing how many cards in my SoulCollage® collection had images of doors on them.

“Doors are places for pausing, of finding your key, of knocking, of asking for entry. Thresholds carry us from one place to another – usually from outside to inside or the other way around.  They are symbols of our inner movements…. I believe that our lives are about crossing one threshold after another. Thresholds are challenging places to be because there is no map. There is no ten-step plan for how to move through this space. We feel disoriented there and impatient in having to wait.”

Christine Valters Paintner

I thought about selecting a word like welcome or becoming, or simply doorway or threshold. The images resonated, but the words were not quite right. I considered what it feels like to stand on the threshold of the unknown, to step through the doorway of uncertainty. The moment of crossing over can require courage, honesty, a surrendering, a willingness to be transformed.

“Our uncertainty is the doorway into mystery, the doorway into surrender, the path to God that Jesus called “faith.” -Richard Rohr, The Wisdom Pattern: Order, Disorder, Reorder

Extending hospitality to guests, as St. Benedict instructed in The Rule, can be practiced towards the uncertainty that life brings, the times when we can no longer control our circumstances and we must surrender our expectations. We can extend hospitality towards all that is mystery and trust that we will be transformed in the process. We may not know what we are walking into, but we can grow into acceptance of whatever comes.

“We need to honor what is on both sides of the doorway: to celebrate the whole of our lives, the self we are leaving behind as well as the self toward which we are going.”  

Rev. Amy Zucker Morgenstern, On the Threshold

The threshold moment requires an acceptance of what has been, what is, and what possibilities may come. The threshold moment, if we wish to honor each moment as life-giving and transformational, forces us to see our truth, the truth of our desires, and the truth of our circumstances.

“If you are interested in transformation, no element is more important than developing a love of truth. As we learn to accept what is real in the present moment, we are more able to accept whatever arises in us, because we know that it is not the whole of us… When we are willing to be with the whole truth—whatever it is –we have more inner resources available to deal with whatever we are facing.” –The Wisdom of the Enneagram, Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson.

And this brings me to my 2021 word of the year: TRUTH.

Continue reading “2021 Word of The Year” →
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2020 Words of the Year–Carry On!

Carry On!

The inspiration for my 2020 Word(s) of the Year came from the Sprigs of Rosemary Advent retreat that I recently led. The retreat was centered around the theme of sanctuary, inspired by the lyrics of Sanctuary written by Carrie Newcomer.

There were several questions participants were asked to consider as a guide for them during the retreat. “What do I need sanctuary from?” touched my heart.

I shared that I need sanctuary from the endless flood of thoughts that preoccupy my mind; thoughts that hold me back and keep me from being truly free. I need sanctuary from the constant rerun of conversations and/or situations that have led to hurt feelings and a sense of rejection. I need sanctuary from the relentless inner conversations that distract me from living fully and hold me a prisoner in the role of victim.

When I have strong feelings or attachments, compulsive mental role-playing commences. I replay conversations—what was said, what I could have or should have said, what he/she meant, and on and on. Once I can slow down my thoughts, create some space, and breathe, I can hear more clearly what God intends for me to know.

Being clear about what I need to detach from—my thoughts—was the creative fuel I needed to intuitively make my first card named “Sanctuary.”

“Our logical thinking mind cannot leap out of the loop, but our intuitive mind can step back and watch….the logical mind usually misses the symbolic voice heard by the intuitive senses.” Discernment Matters, Mary Margaret Funk, OSB

Sanctuary card.jpg
Sanctuary Card–the first card of my reading.

A culminating activity of the retreat was a SoulCollage® reading. Reflecting on, praying with, or “reading” your cards is a process that never fails—if you have questions, God provides answers that are tailor-made using the images that have spoken uniquely to you. We begin by selecting one card we made during the retreat and randomly selecting two other Soulcollage® cards from our personal collection, cards made months or years earlier, taking turns with questions and reflections.

The question for my cards, interestingly evolved while I was saying it out loud—”How can I find sanctuary from my thoughts? … Actually, how can I move on from them, how can I carry on?” Continue reading “2020 Words of the Year–Carry On!” →

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