Steven Gehr, my husband’s oldest brother at 66 years old, passed away in the early morning hours of Sunday, January 26, 2025. After a tragic accident, Steve was placed on a ventilator to assist his breathing, and within hours it was breathing for him. It was clear that letting Steve go was the best decision; he would be physically unable to live the joyful, carefree life he knew. The oldest child of seven children born to Marvin and Mary Gehr, Steve was born with intellectual disabilities. Steve was the center of the family, bringing everyone together in the spirit of joy with his huge grin and infectious laugh. His joy was everyone’s joy.

The Gehr Family, circa 1966. Steve stands between his mom and dad. Baby Kathy and I are the same age. In order, left to right–David, Karen, Diane, Mary/Kathy, Steve, Marvin, Alan and my husband, Joe…looking a little grumpy. Edit: Joe and his brother David look so much alike NOW that I mixed them up in the above photo. Joe, my husband, is on the left (isn’t he adorable?) and Dave is on the right. Their sisters said they had pre-arranged to look grumpy. LOL

Steve’s life became the seed for new life when he was approved to be an organ donor. The decision to pursue the organ donation process was influenced by our family experience of loss just two years ago. Alan, Steve’s brother, lost his life partner Greg when he passed waiting for a liver transplant. It was a difficult few days waiting for organ recipient arrangements, but knowing others will receive Steve’s liver and kidneys brings peace.

There is so much we love about Steve.

Steve got excited about things that were special to him—visits to the Goodwill to look for records, family gatherings, trips to McDonald’s (cheeseburger, French fries, Diet Coke), opening Christmas presents, having a Diet Coke or red coffee (the Folgers label that has caffeine.) The simplest things brought him so much joy, and his joy lit up the room.

Steve loved family get-togethers. When he returned to Glenwood, where he lived in a group home, he would already be talking about his next visit. In the fall, he envisioned Thanksgiving dinner, reciting the line-up of menu items, ticking off the list by counting on his hand—turkey, mashed potatoes, salad, white dressing (Ranch, which he could eat by the spoonful), pumpkin pie, and so on.

After Thanksgiving, he started listing his favorite things about Christmas—Santa Claus, open presents, Diane, Joe, Baby Dave…and the litany of family members including those on the other side—Mommy, Daddy, Uncle Ed, Uncle Pat, gone to heaven.

Steve loved Christmas. He is thrilled to shake Santa’s hand (aka my son-in-law John) and get a photo.

Rituals and familiar things were important to Steve. Whenever he encountered someone, he gave a handshake and then depending on who it was, would begin the shakedown for a dollar or two. He would open his wallet and start counting his money. He never forgot a name and always made friends. His sister, Diane, also his guardian after their parents passed, wrote, “Steve will shake hands with everyone and say, ‘We’re friends!’”

Steve divided his love between the Huskers and the Hawkeyes, living in both Nebraska and Iowa. His sister, Karen, made him a shirt specifically for his special taste in teams. He loved playing his records, singing and dancing along. His favorites were Elvis and Johnny Cash. He liked an occasional sip of bourbon and a cigar (always pretend) with his brother Joe. Steve could splice an electrical cord just like his engineer dad did. When my husband and I were engaged, we started collecting used odds and ends for our new apartment. Steve thought a lamp cord was a little too short, so he cut a section from the console TV to extend it. The result: a very long cord on the lamp and a 2-inch cord on the TV that wasn’t long enough to plug in. Kudos to Steve for problem-solving and technical skills.

One of our special memories of Steve was at a whiffle ball game during Jessica and John’s wedding weekend. When Steve had a turn at bat, he hit the ball into the field. He ran to first base, giggling and excited, with Diane as his running partner. Steve made it around the bases and running into home was a line of wedding guests giving Steve high-fives and congratulations. He was as happy as I have ever seen him! He was rewarded with a t-shirt for his valiant efforts.

Steve had a lot of one-liners—“OK. I know. Good. OK” was something he would say or write in cards to family members. His brother, David, keeps a letter from Steven on his desk with this signature. Another oft-recited response—”No, thank you.” If Steve was not interested in something, he decisively let you know. Perhaps his favorite phrase—“Go Big Red!”

We said goodbye to Steve in his private room and during an honor walk. CHI Health Creighton University Medical Center – Bergan Mercy in partnership with Live On Nebraska coordinated a candlelight honor walk. The hallway was lined with family, friends, hospital and Glenwood staff to honor Steve’s joy-filled life before his final breaths. Alan and Diane went into the operating room for Steve’s last minutes. Alan said he prayed with a rosary, blessed by Pope Francis, wrapped around Steve’s hand as he “guided his soul home.” We put it in a bourbon glass to remember Steve’s love of bourbon and a cigar with his brother.

Steven Gehr, you lived a beautiful life and brought so much joy to the family. The Gehr sibling line-up won’t be the same without you. May eternal light shine upon you.

OK. I know. Good. OK. Mommy. Daddy. Steven. Jesus. Heaven.

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© Jodi Blazek Gehr, Being Benedictine Blogger