The commencement address given by professional football player Harrison Butker at Benedictine College, a small liberal arts college in Kansas, has generated some big social media buzz. The narrow vision of Catholicism, the limited view of gender roles in the family, and the many backhanded as well as overt insults that thread their way through the message left me stunned. I am concerned the speech will be interpreted as a reflection of the Benedictine tradition and the incredible monks, sisters, and oblates I know.

Being Benedictine, as I have come to understand, is a spirituality that is inclusive, loving, and accepting of all. The speech seemed judgmental, hurtful, and exclusive. Not wanting to jump to conclusions with just a few quotes taken out of context, I read the entire script more than a few times, looking for something redeemable, and anything resembling a celebratory graduation message.

This was as close as I could come:

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2024, you are sitting at the edge of the rest of your lives. Each of you has the potential to leave a legacy that transcends yourselves and this era of human existence. In the small ways, by living out your vocation, you will ensure that God’s Church continues and the world is enlightened by your example.

Unfortunately, the “potential to leave a legacy” is very narrowly defined in Butker’s speech, one that restricts women’s roles in their families while limiting “God’s Church” to those Catholics who believe in precisely the way that Butker does. In an already contentious political and religious environment, the message prompted a statement in response from the Sisters of Mount St. Scholastica, a founding institution and sponsor of Benedictine College:

The commencement speech has fostered division rather than promoting unity using the foolproof methods of taking a superior tone, insulting those who believe differently, and claiming to possess the truth as others are surely lost souls. Being Benedictine, in my experience, is a genuine attempt to meet others in love and compassion, listening with the intent to understand, encouraging inclusiveness, and respecting diversity.  Yet, Butker claims, “The world around us says that we should keep our beliefs to ourselves whenever they go against the tyranny of diversity, equity, and inclusion.”

The tyranny? Diversity encourages learning, creativity, personal growth, social justice, and more. It is a blessing to share our faith and to have someone truly listen, especially those who might believe differently. How are we to learn or grow in compassion without diversity? Growing up in the Catholic Church, I was taught my religion was the “one, true faith” and, later, in a brief experience with fundamentalism, the assumed imminent rapture was used to convince others that they should urgently accept Jesus as their “personal Lord and Savior” so as not to be “left behind.” Neither of these religious messages was delivered in love. When one thinks they know for certain who God is, they feel entitled to judge that God is for them and not for others, or that their place in heaven is secured while others are surely burning in hell.  Being certain about something is likely the biggest sign of ignorance and self-righteousness; being open to hearing who God is to another brings possibility, understanding, and appreciation of diversity. Not all Catholics, Christians, or Benedictines agree with this limited view of the love of Christ, but, sadly, this is what Christianity has come to look like to many.

Appreciating diversity requires effort. There will be people with whom we disagree, but condemning or insulting another, their decisions, beliefs, and/or life circumstances is the lowest level of human communication, and increasingly more common in the culture of Trumpism. The insults in Butker’s message—some noted specifically and others that generally represent “degenerate cultural values”—were directed towards priests or bishops (who enjoy their hobbies, love their dogs, become too familiar with their parishioners or enact Covid protection measures), gay or transgender people and anyone who might support them during PRIDE month, women who choose to have careers, women who choose not to have children, women who need help conceiving through in vitro fertilization, women who may need an abortion, Taylor Swift, President Biden, those who support her or him, those who do not prefer the Latin Mass, people who date someone who isn’t a Catholic, those who cohabitate before marriage or leave the Church and on and on. I know more than a few people who fall into one or more of these purportedly detestable groups, myself included. This is what being marginalized looks like—being considered on the outside of what is acceptable. It is deeply offensive.

Butker must see it differently, he states, “We need to stop pretending that the “Church of Nice” is a winning proposition. We must always speak and act in charity, but never mistake charity for cowardice.” Butker believes the Benedictine College “audience and this venue is the best place to speak openly and honestly…” Perhaps? But surely the college and speaker understood the amount of publicity it would generate in an already divided church and country.

Judith Valente, Benedictine oblate and author, shared her thoughts in A Disturbing View Of What It Means To Be Catholic—“Catholicism is a big tent. It’s what the word catholic means — universal. I don’t deny Butker’s right to speak about and practice his faith as he sees fit. What I object to is deciding that one version of the faith is true and genuine — his. That version includes returning to the Latin Mass, marrying only a fellow Catholic, and dominant roles for men in both the family and the church.”

Speaking out and acting with charity can be both courageous and nice. I shall try and try again when I inevitably stumble. I appreciate the encouraging voices of the Sisters of Mount St. Scholastica, Judith Valente, and many others who have made posts and sent messages. Our greater call within Christianity, among all world religions, is to love one another—to meet others with compassion.

–Rather than condemning “the ladies” who seek both a work and family life, invitro fertilization, or an abortion, listen to those women who have difficulty getting pregnant or who are met with difficult life choices. In Life or Choice, a reflection I wrote about the false dichotomy of being pro-life or pro-choice, I share that being a mother is the greatest gift in my life, but it doesn’t give me or the government the right to choose for others. Despite political efforts to force us to choose sides, there is a third way, a both/and perspective, that includes more expansive, nuanced, compassionate attitudes, behavior, and policies.

–Rather than condemning “dangerous gender ideologies,” consider the child who is struggling with their sexual or gender identity; consider the parent who learns their child is gay or transgender. Listen, ask questions, learn. Fr. James Martin, SJ, writes, “for LGBTQ people, who have been harassed, beaten and persecuted (as well as jailed and executed in various countries) “pride” is not about vanity but about simple human dignity.” No one who takes seriously the commandment to love one another can reject their gay or trans child/neighbor. All people, regardless of sexuality or gender, in all our many differences, bring fullness to the spectrum of diversity in our communities.

I agree with this part of the message, “What you must remember is that life is about doing the small things well.” 

Let us try the small things—be kind, practice compassion, listen for understanding, communicate without insulting, welcome those different than us, presume positive intentions, work for what we believe in, and speak with courage respectfully. They may be small things, but they pack a big punch. Valente, who authored “Atchison Blue: A Search for Silence, A Spiritual Home and a Living Faith,” shares her experience with the Sisters of Mount St. Scholastica. “These sisters epitomize the Benedictine values of listening, community-and-consensus-building, hospitality, humility, prayer and work.” Seek peace and pursue it.

This is Being Benedictine.